April 06, 2005

...and the reason is?

I just noticed that it has been over two months since my first entry....

In 5, 10, 15, ? years from now, when I am cured, or in remission or no longer with you, there will memories. Some of these memories will be good, some may be be bad (hopefully, not to many). They will come to you as all subconscious thoughts tend do, briefly, quickly and for reasons that are hard to explain. It is this journal, my experience and my fight that are some how going to effect you and in some way I will have influenced you.

I am not professing to be a prophet, or to be sent into your life for some spiritual reason, I'm just a firm believer in "Everything happens for a reason", fate, predetermined destiny etc. My having cancer is going to have some impact on you. It may make you change your diet, it may cause you to go in for that check up (as it has for about 10 people that I know of so far!), it may make you slow down your life, or reach out to someone you haven't spoken to in years. It may do nothing more than make you laugh or cry occasionally.

I seem to have skipped one of the usual steps in this "process" and that is where I feel sorry for myself and wonder how this could have happened to me or why God could do this to me. I'm not sure why, but I see that type of thinking as a waste of time. No one can answer those questions anyway so I have skipped that "step" and chosen to focus on what is next? Or how I beat this? Or as this entry shows, what this will do to those around me?

My having cancer is going to have some impact on you, I pray that it is somehow meaningful and long lasting.

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