Every month we go through the same thing, blood tests, meet with doctors, infusions, etc. What I haven't been sharing a lot of is the anticipation, worry, etc. Between the time the lab sticks my arm and draws a sample of blood to the moment the words that contain the PSA number actually cross the nurses lips, can be an eternity of worry, doubts and prayers. This can range from twenty four to forty eight hours. One to two days of hell!
I would bet I said one hundred "Hail Mary's" since the weekend. If you don't believe in the power of prayer, I can't explain it to you. I sometimes (but rarely) ask for a cure. Mostly, I ask for good test results, and time, more precious time. We know that chemo will come, but I pray each month that it's time has not yet come. Not to be repetitive, but I'm not scared of the process or procedure, BRING IT ON! What scares me is that starting chemo takes me one step closer to ___?
Now that I've drawn you in, here are the results from yesterday [drum roll.....]: 18.90 !!!!
Here is a re-cap of the last twelve months:
10/16/06 51.48 (Started Ketoconazole and Hydrocortisone, 10/01)
9/11/06 83.97 (started Zometa)
5/19/06 11.37 (stopped Casodex)