I'm tired, side effects of this cold I have been fighting for a week or more.
I am also tired because of 'this'.
Something that is rarely discussed by me, here, or on the prostate cancer message boards is
the mental and emotional strain of dealing with PCa. It's constant. I can't express the word CONSTANT enough.
I, we, have done a good job of living our lives in spite of the anvil that constantly hangs above our world. Now however, with a large decision looming, the anvil, and the strain of keeping it levitated increase at exponential rates.
I always have to add this so my words are not misinterpreted, I am not depressed. What I am pointing out here is simply this, you and I are different. You who live 'normal' lives, lives without cancer, get through your day differently than I do. Your conscious thoughts, those things that you think about in between the important aspects of your life, those thoughts are far different for me, than you. In those down moments you are like I was when I led a normal life. You think and wonder about what to do tonight or this weekend? Maybe you spend time thinking about simple things, regardless my thoughts at these times are ALWAYS about PCa. What does the rise in my PSA mean? What will it be on the 28th? Then what? And after deciding 'then what', will it work? etc. and so on.....it's really a #*^@ed-up way to get through the day.
But I go on, because I must.....for her, for him.....and sometimes....for me.