This morning I watched 'Finding Neverland', the story of James Barrie who wrote Neverland (Peter Pan). Based on the crocodile tears, this one hit a wee bit close to home. I don't mind sharing that fact. Yes, I cry during a good, emotional movie. For those of you that have been around here for awhile, you know that I have been known to cry while reading a book! There was just something about the story, it is a great movie I would recommend to all.
Tears, and the emotions that bring them to life, are cleansing. To me they are a release for tension or stress and there are times in this battle when that release is critical. We have a lot ahead of us this August. It all begins in a few days with a trip to Boston. That trip will involve tests, waiting, meeting with the doctor, waiting and we hope, time for a little fun. This doctor appointment and clinical trial I am attempting to get into is perhaps THE most critical point in this journey.
With my PSA count remaining high and the increasing amount of pain I have been experiencing, it is very important that I change treatment plans now. Without this tria,l my alternative is chemotherapy and radiation. Since I did chemo back in 2008, I have the experience, it does not scare me. The issue is chemo did not provide much benefit. As for radiation, this would address the pain, but has it drawbacks. Those include compromising bone marrow and therefore making a chemo treatment less effective, fatigue, short term relief and more.
I just continue to pray this path I find my journey taking is the right one. Not because of the finanacial and travel impacts or the possible side effects, but because the trial offers so much more of a potential impact on the state of the disease than the chemo/radiation option.
I'll provide more details once we return from Boston.