February 23, 2010

Time keeps on slippin....

Some times days go by, fly by, and I just plain forget about posting here.

First, my dad is great. He was sent home from the hospital in less than 48 hours. He still has to wait for a few test results, but it initially looks promising.

Another milestone slipped by over the weekend. February 21, 2005
Ironic that the title is 'Without Comment" and I haven't really shut up about
it for five years!

We already had received the official news back from the doctor on February 11th. This was confirmation ofthe severity, the grave totality of the situation. If you read the post you might get a glimpse of what I believed has gotten me this far and provides me the strength to continue this battle day after day.

That first weekend was filled with faith, love of family and friends which in turn provided the hope required to win the battle. I refer to those words so often, but those words mean something.

They are far more than just words that I type into my computer.

Five years…so many wonderful memories, so many new friendships, so much more to look forward to in the years ahead. February 21, 2005 was truly the bottom. I wonder what's next?

February 16, 2010

For Pops

Tomorrow afternoon my Dad goes in to surgery to have about a foot of his colon removed. This is the same man who had prostate cancer fifteen or so years ago.

He's saying all the right things. He's very positive about the entire procedure and his doctor, but I know at 78, he's still got to be scared. I know that I am.

Cancer literally surrounds me right now. From all the friends I have met on-line, to my dad, the mothers and fathers of friends, to my own situation. At times it seems out of control. It just seems that some days
the bad news overwhelms the good.

I pray for my Dad and wish him a successful surgery and a speedy and full recovery.

February 11, 2010

It's been far worse

Today's milestone is a tough one.

Five years ago today I officially found out I had Prostate Cancer.

Here's a link to that blog entry:

February 11, 2005

I vividly remember sitting in a conference room at work taking the call from my doctor.

Wow, the emotions come roaring back.

I took this call and walked out of the office and cried the whole way home.

The weekend turned out to be the bottom emotionally. Mary and I cried, a lot!

The thing is, we recovered very quickly and by Monday evening when I came home from work, she grabbed me and told me that although we may not beat the monster, we weren't giving up, and most of all, we weren't going to spend any time feeling sorry for ourselves.

For the last five years we have continued down this path, finding the positive and not letting the negative get us down. We have not and will not dwell on the statistics. I'm in a different place now; a much, much different person.

February 10, 2010

D, Quinientos, Fünfhundert. Cinq Cents, 五百

I have arrived at the first of a number of upcoming milestones.
This one is the 500th blog entry here at "The Big C"

With this monumental opportunity, what should I write about?
I have decided that today it once again is not about me,
it will be about my PCa brethren. So here's to you guys,
in no particular order:

Dad, Doug, Dan and John
Dan J in New York
Eric S in Colorado
Merle in ?
Mark H in Texas
Greg J in Texas
Walt W In Alabama
Tony C in Nevada
Jan and Dom in Florida
Brian W in Utah
Kim and Brian in New Zealand
Terry in Australia
Jay S in Kansas
Bob in Missouri

Finally, on a somber note, those that this disease has taken from our world:
Ric M

For those who continue to battle this disease and for those who we have lost, I dedicate this prayer:
Prayer to Saint Peregrine ~ Patron Saint to cancer patients

O great St. Peregrine,
you have been called "The Mighty,"
"The Wonder-Worker,"
because of the numerous miracles
which you have obtained from God
for those who have had recourse to you.

For so many years
you bore in your own flesh
this cancerous disease
that destroys the very fiber of our being,
and who had recourse
to the source of all grace
when the power of man could do no more.

You were favored with the vision of Jesus
coming down from His Cross
to heal your affliction.

Ask of God and Our Lady,
the cure of the sick whom we entrust to you.
(Pause here and silently recall the names of the sick for whom you are praying)

Aided in this way by your powerful intercession,
we shall sing to God,
now and for all eternity,
a song of gratitude
for His great goodness and mercy.

February 05, 2010

Thanks Phil!

As you are probably aware, that little rodent in Pennsylvania saw his shadow on Tuesday. Six more weeks of winter! I really don’t believe in this superstition, but as I watch yet another batch of snow fall, I just hope he's wrong.

It's been a long winter here in the Kansas City area. Our total snowfall must be near record-breaking. The only good thing is the fact that it has not been too cold for the entire time.

I can't help yearn for Spring and all that it brings and implies. It is, as I've expressed here ad nauseam, my favorite season. Who can't imagine the days of tulips, green grass, birds chirping and the rest.

I've recently connected with yet another man far to young to be ravaged with advanced prostate cancer. He's only 39 and his diagnosis is strikingly similar to mine. He has started a blog as well and I have a link to it on this site. So, for Brian in Utah, it's things like Spring that you should focus on. Yes there will be times when the entirety of the battle consumes you, but do your best to put that aside and turn your focus to your family and friends and all that is good in this world.

Pollyanna? Perhaps it is, but it seems to have worked for me over the past five years. As I said to Mr. Miller a few weeks back, you have to just get up and put you pants on and get on with it.

Well, that's all I got for now. My next post will mark a big milestone. Have a great week-end!

February 03, 2010

Another loss

I did not know her particularity well, but she played in our golf tournament for a number of years. For her family and most particularly for her daughters, I include the following memory and prayer.

May the peace and grace of God comfort you all.

We beseech Thee, O Lord,
in Thy mercy,
to have pity on the soul of Thy handmaid;
do Thou, Who hast freed her
from the perils of this mortal life,
restore to her the portion of everlasting salvation.
Through Christ our Lord,


February 02, 2010

Happy Blog-Aversary!!

Five years ago on February 2, 2005 I started this little blog that I titled, "The Big C". The first entry is below.

So many things have changed in my life. I am clearly not the same person that I was when I wrote these words five years ago. I still remember as I sat at my desk, writing these words, tears were streaming down my cheeks. My thoughts were scattered. At the same time, I was clearly focused on what is the most important part of my life, my family.

They have changed as well. Brad is older and quite the young man. I am so proud of him. Mary and I were always close, but I can't believe how much closer we have grown through this experience. It's amazing how wonderful life can be in the middle of the chaotic irony that we live.

And so yesterday, there Mary and I sat like we do every 28 days, waiting for my Oncologist to share my test results. We had considerable discussion about the pains I have been having in my right leg and hip. The discussion went no where. Is it cancer related? Is it early signs of arthritis? We speculated as best we could. We decided to give it another 4 weeks and see if the pain changes, remains the same or goes away. Just to be clear, it's very intermittent and three Advil always takes care of it for a day or more. Because it involves my right hip, which is where the pain began prior to my diagnosis, it is a concern for me each time I experience the pain. If the pain returns, the doctor will request xrays, which will help us to determine the source of the pain - arthritis vs cancer, or perhaps a combination of the two.

A harder decision that I have made after discussing it with Mary and the doctor is to stop playing disc golf for a few weeks. I'm crushed, but it 's the best thing to do. I really need to give my leg a rest and disc golf more than anything puts a lot of stress on my right leg, hip and knee. So I will temporarily retire and be the full time score keeper. I will still enjoy the camaraderie and get exercise by walking the course. At the same time I'll be taking a lot more pictures while we are out on the course. We'll see how it goes. Hopefully this will be short lived and I'll be back at it in a few weeks.

So back to today; my PSA was down eight points! Most people would not be too excited to be told their PSA is at 103. For us, it was music to our ears.

Happy Blog-Aversary indeed!!

Peace be with you all!


The start of the end?

I thought about starting this with links to resources about prostate cancer, but had second thoughts. Interested parties can easily find those on their own, just start at http://www.webmd.com/ or http://www.prostatecancerfoundation.org/ and go forth.

So here I am, a 42 year old, white male and tomorrow I am having a biopsy to determine if the problems I am experiencing are ultimately diagnosed as Prostate Cancer. Grim thought indeed.

Worse case, unsuccessful treatment, or surgery and death. Best case, it's simply prostatitis (sp?) and the wonderful world of medications will cure all. I'm remaining somewhat hopeful but because of family history and the number of symptoms I have, I am fighting to remain positive. I pray a lot more than I ever have.

I worry most about my wife and young son and how they would go on? Braggadocio aside, I am her life. We are very close and literally are each others world. She lost her mom at 8, the same age he is now. Financially she will be fine because of insurance and other investments we have made over the years. But I worry about them both emotionally and psychologically. I can't imagine going on without her or him, it saddens me deeply. I pray a lot more than I ever have......