August 31, 2009

Slap!! That's the sound of reality smacking me in the face!

I'll try not to bore you with too many details, but this requires a little background...

Last Saturday, August 22nd, I played disc golf as usual. No big deal.
Sunday, I went to Emporia, KS to play in a disc golf tournament. On the way to Emporia
my right thigh/hip started to hurt a little bit. The best way to describe this is it that it is reminiscent of the original pain from five years ago.

I brushed it off to the 90 minutes in the car, but knew deep down it must have been more. I popped a couple Advil and really thought nothing more of it. Just as the second round started, I took a few more Advil and that I thought was the end of it.

Monday I got up to catch a plane to Orlando for work. I worked out, maybe too hard, and headed for the airport. Again, three hours of sitting and my leg wasn't feeling real good by the time I arrived in Florida, popped a few more Advil. I was able to catch a decent night sleep but Tuesday was 9 more hours of sitting in a meeting room. Not so good , my leg was reminding me who is in charge, more Advil.

This continued off and on all week, Advil about every 12 hours, but sleeping was not an issue. I took the weekend off from disc golf, which as you regulars know, was possibly the most painful part of my week!

The good news is it has now been over 48 hours since my last dose of Advil. The pain isn't gone 100% but I am feeling way better than I was on Friday night and Saturday afternoon.

I have felt this way at different times over the last four years but it has been a while. I had forgotten the paranoia, the dread, the deep feelings of doubt. You start to question the past decisions, the lack of future choices, the what if's, the what's next, etc.

I'm feeling better, much better now. We had an FLHW Board meeting tonight and just being able to sit with my close friends and sharing in conversation with them always helps.

Just a little speed bump? I guess we'll find out in two weeks when we meet with the doc!

August 23, 2009

What a weekend

Here's what you do when you have cancer - you try to ignore it. Maybe not ignore, perhpas it's better if I say go on without it as best you can.

Friday, I left work a little early and joined a friend on his sailboat at Lake Perry. Lake Perry is about an hour from here, between Lawrence and Topeka, KS. It was a bit windy when we arrived but we were out on the lake by 6:30 PM and were able to sail for two hours.
It was unbelievably relaxing and Jim, I'm ready to go back when you are!!

Yesterday, I played disc golf with a smaller crowd since some of the guys were out playing in a tournament. It was good to see Mark back out with us. He's first and foremost a ball golfer but I think he's slowly but surely getting the bug, plus his back is feeling better. Regarding my game, I just couldn't catch Rich, falling one shot short.

Last night we had family over for dinner on the patio and then enjoyed a fire in the fire pit. We really enjoyed the evening. The weather remains unseasonably's hard to believe it's August in Kansas City.

Today we drove to Emporia, KS and played in a disc golf tournament. I joined Pete, Steve and Steve. I played better in the morning than the afternoon and finished in a tie with Pete for 6th place. Yet another Steve played lights out this afternoon to move from 6th to 2nd place. Sometimes it's really fun to watch another guy you are playing with tear it up. He's also one of those very quiet, humble guys - great job Steve H.!!

So not real exciting to read, but I hope you found it to be worth sharing. I just wanted to share with you the fact that I'm not slowing down!

August 18, 2009

A ten, not a perfect ten but I'll take it

Just a quick update from Monday

PSA, down 10%
Still 88 but the trend has been broken!

Also, the CTC (Circulating Tumor Cells) test came back at zero and my alkaline phosphates are normal!!

Not much else to report, four weeks from now we re-test for PSA again
and I get my quarterly Zometa infusion.

Now, back to my 'normal' life!

August 17, 2009

How low can you go?

I'll take a few points, just the beginning of a trend!

This morning I'm off to the doctor for my monthly shot and blood tests.
As always, it's a crap shoot but my body is telling me things are going well on this new medication. At times, I find it somewhat amazing how in tune I am with every little tweak, ache, pain, etc. that I experience. It comes from four and a half years of constant worry, constant obsession. Right now I am feeling good vibes!

I spent Saturday and Sunday in St. Louis with my brothers. I introduced my nephews to disc golf and really hope they catch the bug. I watched a little golf with my dad and then took in the Cardinals game with my brothers. It was a great game and what a beautiful stadium! It wouldn't be a trip without providing the family with a little tech support! Two printer, scanner, faxes in and working, one with wireless support! Note to the industry, Plug and Play is a joke!

It's a rainy Monday, is this God's way of telling me he is washing away the PCa cells? Perhaps. One way or another, I'll know in about three hours.

Finally, school starts on Wednesday. Brad will be in seventh grade...I'm in shock! Where is the time going?

August 10, 2009


I'm not sure if I have, or even should share the following? I figure, what the heck.

As we sat in Mass on Sunday and prayed, I stopped to think what I really was asking God for when I pray.
I don't ask for a cure to this disease, should I? Would that be selfish?
Mostly, I pray for time. I pray for good test results. I pray for happiness.

Next Monday is huge. Monday we will find out if re-starting Keto has helped. If not, we move on, but the options are not very encouraging.

The good news is that I feel great and would guess it is working, but we've been disappointed before, so I try not to get to excited. As Mary has put it, we are cautiously optimistic.

So I conclude with this:
God, give me strength
Allow me happiness in he midst of turmoil,
Provide me more time,
And the sense to know how to use it properly
In Jesus name,

August 03, 2009

The wbmw...

I knew, just knew, that when I first saw her that there was something special about her. What I didn’t know was that we would eventually fall in love and spend the rest of our lives together.

While we have known each other for well over twenty years, it was eighteen years ago today that we were married.

As I have said here (not often enough I realize) is what she does for me is beyond special. What she means to me and how different I would be without her cannot be described by a few words on these pages.

She jokingly reminds me from time to time the she is "The wind beneath my wings" and you know what? She's right on the money!

Without you, I'm nothing
With you, anything is possible

August 02, 2009

My mind was elsewhere

Today we played a casual round of disc golf, Pete, Steve, Joe, Steve and myself. We all played rather terribly but the weather was ideal and the camaraderie top notch as we relived this past weeks events.

My thoughts were elsewhere as I could not help let my mind wander to the upcoming week. My friend Dan has his monthly follow up, please send a few prayers his way, Another friend John has a birthday tomorrow, Happy Birthday John!! Melissa turned the big 30 today, congratulations youngster!
Most importantly tomorrow is our 18th wedding anniversary and that weighed heavily on my mind.

I had already acquired a card and gifts for my lovely bride but I could not help wonder 'how many more?" I pray for 20 and I hope for 25. Somewhat sobering to read, my apologies, but that's where I was at and where my mind shifts to from time to time. I don't dwell on it too long either as I continue to try to focus on what's right and what's good with my current condition. I am not sure there are many 46 year old men that could play 153 holes of disc golf in seven days, much less do it with advanced Prostate cancer. Seriously, I even cam home and mowed the grass!

I'm sharing this not in the hope of receiving accolades but because that is what this blog is all about, this is how I'm dealing with it, leading and living a "normal" life to the best of my ability. I hope and pray that there are others who find it and read it and are inspired to fight on!

Dan, my thoughts and prayers are with you tomorrow. John and Melissa, peace be with you both. Mary, well I'll have much more to say about this tomorrow!