I'll be......

Perhaps it's four years of androgen deprivation therapy and the subsequent lack of testosterone circulating in my body, but I am so much more emotional than I used to be.

Last night we decided to stay in, have a nice dinner and watch a movie.

We split a few pounds of king crab legs, a bottle of wine and laid back to watch

"Nights in Rodanthe" with Richard Gere and Diane Lane.

The movie itself was terrible. It was a poor attempt to recreate some chemistry between these two that can be found in the movie from 2002, "Unfaithful".  Without revealing too much, it takes a rather sad twist at the end, and even as bad as it was, there I was with tears in my eyes. Mary asked "Are you crying?". My response, "Can you believe it? As bad as this movie is, here I am getting all emotional about it!"

So now, here I sit, working on a Power Point deck for our church auction next Saturday. I am shuffling through iTunes at the same time and on comes "I'll Be" by Edwin McCain. Here's the video.   I find the whole song to be beautiful, such that it makes me cry nearly every time I hear it. Click on the link, and pay particular attention to the chorus.

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Edwin McCain; I'll Be

The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath.
And emeralds from mountains thrust toward the sky
Never revealing their depth.
Tell me that we belong together,
Dress it up with the trappings of love.
I'll be captivated,
I'll hang from your lips,
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above.

[Chorus:]
I'll be your crying shoulder,
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older,
I'll be the greatest fan of your life.

And rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed.
You're my survival, you're my living proof.
My love is alive -- not dead.
Tell me that we belong together.
Dress it up with the trappings of love.
I'll be captivated,
I'll hang from your lips,
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

[Chorus]

And I've dropped out, I've burned up, I've fought my way back from the dead.
I've tuned in, turned on, remembered the things that you said

[Chorus:]
I'll be your crying shoulder,
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older,
I'll be the greatest fan of your...
I'll be your crying shoulder,
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older,
I'll be the greatest fan of your life.

The greatest fan of your life.
...greatest fan of your life.

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All of this leads me to tomorrow's appointment with Dr. V. I'm tinged with worry. However, I usually am before these appointments. This time I'm not sure what it is? Now that chemo is over, the question of what next lies out there like....well I'm not sure what it's like? Over the past few days I've been having a little pain on my back, nothing severe perhaps a 1.5 on a 10 point scale. It's just enough to make me wonder, to make me worry.

I guess this makes me normal.