apprehension and ambiguity

Here area a few thoughts I jotted down on Monday in the moments before my appointment:

What if:
- it's good news
- it's not
- this never happened
- my response had been 'average'
- I wasn't surrounded by love
- I was silent
- I was still fat
- I ate a big thick cheeseburger

My thought immediately after the appointment was more like this:
- God I hate ambiguity!

My PSA is stable at: 38.16

I was hoping, as always, for a decrease, and although it is good news that the PSA level did not rise significantly, this just leaves us hanging. We agreed with Dr. V to take no action for the immediate future. The main reason is that although my PSA remains high, I'm not in pain, and if my upcoming bone scan results are consistent with previous scans, showing no upticks in bone involvement, it was recommended we not rush to a decision.

Furthermore, our next decision is a big one, therefore we are going to seek additional medical opinions. We are going to have my file reviewed by another medical oncologist, who will recommend where we should go for a second opinion. As the treatment options become increasingly limited, it is even more important that we chose the right treatment sequence. So our medical team will expand yet again. This is a good thing and we are grateful to all the doctors that have supported us and continue to support us through this journey.

We have files and x-rays to collect and send and we probably won't have an indication of our options for at least a week, more likely two, so I won't say a whole lot more right now. In the interim, we will try our best to maintain a positive attitude (admittedly, some days are easier than others!) and of course, continue to pray for God's continued blessings and guidance.