Last Post Redux

Apparently my last post, a poem written at one of those rare moments that I have to contemplate things, the future, feelings, etc. got to a few of you. It was a moment that I had alone to think and reflect about how this whole thing has impacted Mary. You have to understand, we talk, we talk about this all the time, but it is primarily positive thoughts, discussions of news stories or web sites we've found.

We've exchanged greetings at 3am for the better part of the past three weeks…..
"you awake?"
"yes, not sure why?"
….it goes on like this most every night.

However, beyond that, the stress of the past 17 months appears to be catching up with her at times. She's a trouper and takes this head-on, but at times, I see the cracks and she in turn can see mine.

That’s the background of what I wrote. It was just me, thinking about how this really screwed up situation was effecting her, and my attempt, in a few versus, to try to get into her head.

In less than three weeks I'll be in Sweden playing disc golf and enjoying incredible seafood! I know this is obvious, but I can't wait. I played horrible over the weekend, but played this evening and shot four over on a course that usually is not very friendly to me. I was -1 after 14 holes. The heat got to me on the last four holes but still posted a respectable score [58]. All in all, a very enjoyable evening.

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Hey, Warren Buffet, why don’t you toss a few million the way of Prostate Cancer research? Great idea, how about spreading the love around a bit….…..

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The surreal life continues…..

Should have been said, long ago

As you sleep,
I write thoughts
that I should have said to you,
many, many months ago.

My pain is deep.
but my pain will subside,
quickly, perhaps quietly,
when my time comes to an end.

However,
the pain you endure.
day after day,
is so much more,
than what I live with,
day after day.

I thought I was hurting,
then I imagined,
what you were facing,
after I am gone,

My pain will subside,
when I go to heaven,
but your pain shall go on,
for your eternity.

I can't imagine that pain,
the thoughts of alone,
imagining your pain,
is just to much,
for me to take on.

Please go on with out me,
strong and upright,
proud and remembering,
of the life we spent together,
together forever,
in your heart,
in our souls.

Finally, a Product that addresses Hot Flashes!!!

Many of you may know that I am a gadget geek. I admit it, there, it's out in the open! So when I ran across this story, I had to post it. It addresses two things that I spend a lot of time thinking about and dealing with: electronic gadgets and hot flashes:

air conditioned shirt

The only problem is I have a lot of flashes at night and I'm not sure how I'd get a laptop into our bed?

Father's Day etc.

First and foremost, Happy Father's Day to all you dads!

Thursday night I attended my first support group meeting since being diagnosed in February of 2005. This particular meeting (the organization is called 'Us Too') was really a group meeting, a doctor from the University of Kansas Medical Center spoke on high risk prostate cancer. It was worth going but it confirmed or reinforced two things; 1) I was the youngest of the 50+ people in the audience, by at least 15 years. A few people I met thought I was someone's son. 2) I am on the right path with my treatment. During the Q & A I asked the doctor why he didn’t spend anytime discussing advanced PC with bone metastasis. His response confirmed that I am doing what is standard at this point. It did get me thinking about starting chemo before things get worse? With my tumors in their smallest and perhaps most susceptible state, why not attack? Something to consider and discuss with my oncologist in August.

A slight update on the travel plans, we'll arrive in London on Tuesday morning and depart for Stockholm Tuesday afternoon arriving with enough time to play a round or two in Tuesday. All day Wednesday and Thursday until 6pm or so should allow us to play all 12 courses in Stockholm! I have received a few responses from contacts in Sweden, one course looks particularly promising! (I'll post a link later) We'll arrive back in London after 10 on Thursday then we'll train to the tournament mid-morning Friday and get in a practice round on Friday.

What I did on my summer vacation (or plan to do)!!

I was reluctant to provide this update, but now that my wife and my manager have given me the green light, the cat's out of the bag!

Only due to the fact I have the BEST wife in the world, on July 16th, I will embark on a whirlwind and perhaps, a vacation of a lifetime.

On July 16th my friend and disc golfing buddy Peter and I will leave for New York City. We'll hang for a day with his friend Phil (they wrote a book together; Deadly; the World's Most Dangerous Everything - available now at Amazon.com)

On Monday evening we are off to London. That's right, that's London! And it gets better. We're going to meet up with Peter's son Joseph who is in the midst of a European Disc Golf Extravaganza!

After spending Tuesday and Wednesday in London (we'll likely train to the disc golf course at Essex University) we are then off to Stockholm, Sweden. In Stockholm the plan is to spend 2 1/2 days playing Swedish disc golf. There are 88 disc golf courses in Sweden, and we're going to play as many as possible. Did you know the sun stays up until like 10pm this time of year?

On Friday we jet back London, and catch a train Beaminster for the crème-de-la-crème… we're all playing in the British Open (the disc golf version)!

Sunday night it's a train back to London and then catch a Monday flight back to New York. A night of sleep and Tuesday I'll be off to join the family at the Lake of the Ozarks for 6 days.

Did I mention that I have the BEST wife in the world! Seriously, in the midst of all of this....this unbelievably stressful situation, she's letting me, encouraging me, to do this....I'm not sure there are words to describe how grateful I am....she's the best!

In twenty something years of working - I have never taken two consecutive weeks off…..people, this is going to ROCK!

You could put an eye out!

After spending four hours in the woods last Sunday, the arrival of the story below in our inbox could not have been more timely!

[BTW - last weeks count, 12 ticks, 20+ chigger bites!!!]

We grew up in a much different time. My brothers and I spent our summers just as described below, in the woods, outside playing, building gravity go carts, spending hours on our bicycles, ad-hoc sports, and on and on...…..

It's a shame that today I wouldn't let Brad have 10% of the freedom we had, too many freaks in the world!!

Enjoy, this is great!!!  (Thanks Swim!!)

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TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1930's 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's !!

- First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.
- They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.
- Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

- We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.

- As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags. Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.

- We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.
- We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.
- We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank koolade made with sugar, but we weren't overweight because….

WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING !

- We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.
- No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.
- We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

- We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound or CD's, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or chat rooms..........

WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

- We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. - We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

- We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.

- We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them! Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!! The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law! These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever! The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned….

HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!

 If YOU are one of them . . . CONGRATULATIONS!
You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good .. And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave (and lucky) their parents were.
Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!

All clear on the southern front

Yesterday was soooo much better than last January's test. This time they knocked me out cold and I didn't wake up until they were completely done.

The result was no polyps and better yet, no follow up required for 5 years!

Now maybe the summer hall pass begins!
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Here's some frightening information I read last night;
> No new treatments have been introduced for advanced PC in the last decade!
> Every 19 minutes a man dies from Prostate Cancer! (30,000+ a year)
> With the number of new baby boomers reaching 50+ years old, it is estimated the number will exceed 68,000 in the next 5 years.

Something more needs to be done….I'm not sure what it is, but I'm working on it!