July 13, 2005

Of Funerals and fears

I almost stayed in bed this morning. I haven't struggled with the snooze button like that in weeks. However, as I made my way to the kitchen for ice water, and trudged to the basement to tape my right hand (calluses) it was apparent where this brief injection of apathy had come from, the funeral.

Technically it was a wake, but nonetheless this one grazed a little to close to home. We didn't know her well, in fact I believe I only met her twice? She went to our church, her husband is a fellow Knight of Columbus. Upon entering the church I picked up the prayer card….she was 1 year and 3 days older than me……she battled cancer several times over the past several years, Sunday she returned to the Lord. 43, teenage daughters, damn life is cruel. One of these days His plan will be revealed to us all, I for one can’t wait to see why it is that the good one's are taken so early?

During the Rosary I kept saying to myself "it's not going to be like this for me or for Mary". I know that to be true, I believe that to be true, it's those thoughts that get me through the day, it's those thoughts that won this mornings battle with the snooze button.

When we got into the car afterwards, the first thing I said to her was "THAT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN TO US!"
I pray that I'm right, it has to be……

Sleep lately has been restless, hot flashes again keep waking me at times. I usually fall right back to sleep but it can make for a long might. When we're little we go to bed reciting "Now I lay me down to sleep……". Lately I find myself dozing off to "Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee..….."

1 comment:

FJB said...

I've been having restless sleeps and a nightmare - before my 3rd biopsy's results came back, but I sort of 'felt' it would not be 'all is ok' this time.
God bless and keep pressing onward.