"You have cancer", three of perhaps the most devastating words in the English language. To some, they really are devastating. To others, they become a challenge, a goal, a focal point. As you know, I fall into the latter.
Tomorrow is THE day. I was told over the phone. Not that receiving the news that way was good or bad, it's just the way it happened. To me the news I received one week later ("it's much worse than just Prostate Cancer") was far harder to deal with. At this point, February 11, 2005, Mary and I had researched enough to know that if it was just PC, the cure rate had a very good success rate. Remove it, radiation, seed implants and a number of other options were available. But when the doctor said we would need to pursue this further and get a bone and CT scan it just didn’t sit right with me. I instinctively knew it was worse. The seven days that followed and the weekend after were our low point.
People say change is good. I agree, to a point. When you have a choice, change can be good but when it forced upon you, change can be hard to accept. I am not sure what makes us different than others, but we are. We have both read a lot of books and blogs by others who are going through similar situations and I pray for these people. Perhaps it's our faith? Maybe it’s the strength of our relationship before this ever happened? Or the friends and family that surround us? It's a combination of all of these that have made us very strong. I also believe it's the fact that we are both very grounded in reality and we both believe in fate. If I heard her say it once, I heard it a million times over the years "everything happens for a reason". Some of those reasons are very difficult to accept at first. We however, did not spend much time on the pity bus. I can’t recall her every saying "why you?, why us?, why now?" etc. It was more like "What now?, We have to go on!, We have to beat this!" etc.
And so year 1 comes to a close. Am I a better person? I'm certainly a different person physically, mentally and spiritually. Does that qualify for "better"? That will be for someone else to decide. That someone is going to have to wait quite a bit longer for judgment day because I plan on being here on year 2, 3 and……
[John W., we hope everything is OK? We're with you as you start round two on Monday!!!]